Halloween Havoc
by Exilo
Summary: The sequel/spin-off to "Of Men and Mewtwo". Random tidbit chapters and characters interacting to celebrate the days leading up to Halloween. Last chapter is now up: the long awaited party. What did everyone go as? Find out. And review.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, it is I, the writer formerly known as P.M. Wolf. And now I offer you Halloween Havoc, because I just suck at coming up with titles. Enjoy.**

_Chapter 1_

Bowser was fairing best. He still had his collar, the only piece of clothing he actually wore, but also had a nice pile of assorted apparel on his side of the table. In terms of ranking, after him would have been Wolf, who was wearing his pants and undershirt, though his flight suit and gloves where in the property of Bowser, and one of his boots belonged to Samus. Samus was third, and had been reduced to her lingerie. Every time Wolf's eyes lingered on her a little too long, she smacked an open hand across his muzzle. In last place was Popo. It was assumed he didn't completely understand the difference between a straight and a flush, or that four of a kind was better than two of a kind, since he had been reduced to his underwear after only two hands. He looked miserable and was shivering, and Wolf was thoroughly enjoying having the parka and mittens under his possession. He thought of poking his claws through the Eskimo's mittens, but that seemed a little too cruel, even for him. Maybe later.

"_Strip poker_?" Mewtwo asked. Arm and leg still in a cast, he was floating just off the ground, which meant he moved so quietly that even Wolf didn't notice him until the voice boomed in his mind.

The gamblers gave unanimous grunts of agreement.

Mewtwo rested his good hand on the roof of Popo's skull, his eyes glowed, and they remained like that a moment. Mewtwo then floated off without another word. With a sudden realization, Popo's grin spread across his features, as he noticed the straight flush that was occupying his hand.

Mewtwo continued through the game room, at last reaching the far corner where the pool table resided. Mew was playing alone. Given her size and stubby little arms, using the pool stick properly was nearly impossible. Of course, she could simply utilize her powerful mind, but that wasn't her style. Instead, she positioned the poolstick between her thighs and against her belly, as if she were riding a horse. Or something else, but Mewtwo preferred not to make that analogy.

"_Pervert," _Mew giggled, eyes glowing to signify her usage of telepathy. It was Mewtwo's own fault, he had let his guard down, if only for a moment, but he felt better in aiming his wraith outwards rather than in. Mew regained her composure and rode the stick, wigging her hips and tapping the white ball, so that it rolled forward and hit the purple, seven ball. A slight jolt of energy, and the seven ball screamed through the empty air, embedding itself in the farthest wall. "_Asshole,"_ Mew hissed.

"_When will you be leaving?"_ Mewtwo asked."_I'm fine. I don't need you as a bodyguard anymore._"

"_Yes, but I do just enjoy annoying you so."_ She giggled a little, floating around, retrieving the seven ball and placing it back on the table. This time when she tried to knock it, it didn't budge. She tried again, and it didn't move, so she hit it directly with the pool cue, but the wood splintered and split and the ball remained perfectly static.

"_I'm sure you have important business that you need to tend to,_" Mewtwo sighed.

"_No, I don't. I'll tell you what, I'll leave after the Halloween party, I have this great idea for a costume."_

Mewtwo must have been satisfied with that, because the seven ball rolled into the right corner pocket.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't know why so often I end up writing about Link, I don't even like him that much. But he's a fun character to abuse, and he's always fresh meat for Wolf.**

_Chapter 2_

Link had spent the past few nights in the back of the bar, and the rest of the time in a sort of drunken daze. Of course, this wasn't exactly uncommon. Link was quiet and painfully shy, so no one found it odd when he didn't talk in favor of drinking alone in a dark corner, at least for the first few days. But as dates ticked off the calendar, some people got a little curious.

"Alright," Fox said, taking the seat across from him. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, Mr. McCloud."

"I talked to Zelda, she says she doesn't know why you've been moping around, you know, more than usual, so I want to know, what's the matter? You're not still upset about that whole Mewtwo thing are you? Mewtwo is doing fine, no one still thinks it was you. Well, except for Wolf, and he doesn't count for much of anything."

"Mr. McCloud, it's our, Zelda and my, anniversary a few days after the Halloween party."

"Huh, I never realized you guys were married."

"Hyruleans don't have a concept of marriage like other cultures do. But we have an idea of life partners, another being you are synchronized with, a being you will spend all eternity with." He smiled thoughtfully. "She's mine."

"Okay," Fox grunted, now regretting coming over to talk to the elf. "Your anniversary though? That's something special I assume."

"Yes, Mr. McCloud. And I know my princess, she's going to get me something wonderful, and I can't get her anything in return."

"Nothing?"

"We are kind of in the middle of nowhere, and even if we weren't what do you get for a woman who has everything? She's a princess, there is nothing I could get that she doesn't already have."

"There has to be something for her. Anything."

Link thought to himself. "Well, there is one thing. Ever since R.O.B. played Hello, Dolly on movie night, my princess has wanted to waltz, but I was never taught. My peasant upbringing didn't afford me many opportunities."

"Okay," Fox nodded. "Link, we're friends right?"

"I would like to think so, Mr. McCloud. I certainly like you much more than your lupine or avian compatriot. Your bravery, your nobility."

"Stop it," he snapped. "Now, because we are friends, I'm going to tell you something that may seem odd and maybe even a little suicidal, but you just have to trust me, alright?"

"I trust you completely, Mr. McCloud."

"Alright, I know someone who may be able to help you."

--

"YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?" Wolf demanded, smashing two fists into the table, splitting it easily down the middle.

"Please keep your voice down, Mr. O'Donnell," Link said.

"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU IF YOU EVER ASK ME THAT AGAIN. I WILL TEAR YOUR HEART OUT WITH MY TEETH. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes Mr. O'Donnell. I am sorry."

Wolf was going to say something else, but settled on a furious snarl before storming off, his heavy, booted, unordered footsteps and clinking chains sounding his retreat down the hallway and to the walk in freezer where he would work out his aggressions by pummeling a slab of meat into ground beef.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

The walk in freezer was where Fox found Wolf later that night. Any exposed fur was glistened with a sheen of frost and his knuckles were caked with red frozen crimson, though if it was his or the blood belonging to the frozen slab of meat he was pounding, Fox wasn't sure.

"Wolf, calm down."

"I am calm," the lupine said, lowering his hands and taking a long, deep breath. "I feel much better now."

"Good, then I want you to teach Link how to waltz."

Wolf gave a long, loud howl of anger as he began beating the meat slab once again, furiously pounding it.

"Wolf, calm down. What's so bad about it?"

"You're right, I should have the little fag snuggling close to me as I teach him to dance. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Where did this rampant homophobia come from?" Fox asked, amused. "Did one of the Village People steal your milk money when you were a pup?"

"Stop trying to confuse me with your obscure cultural references. And whoever said I was homophobic? I fly with a homo. I don't like Link because Link is a little twit. The fact that he's gay is just a coincidence."

"Who do you fly with that's gay? Can't be Krystal, and I doubt it's Panther, that leaves…Oh."

"Puts a lot in perspective, doesn't it?"

"Wolf. I am asking this as a favor, as a friend, to help me with another friend."

"Fox. Let me explain the flaw in your statement. We are not friends. Asking me to do you a favor as a friend doesn't work, because we are not friends. I don't like you."

"I didn't think I would have to do this, but here," Fox said, taking several photographs out of his vest's pocket and handing them to Wolf.

"What are these?"

"Pictures of Samus in the shower."

Wolf's tail shot straight and stiff, despite the frigid interior of the freezer, as he looked them over. Fox snatched them back. He held them, and Wolf, at arm's length. Wolf was struggling and snapping to get his paws on the picture, but Fox stayed firm. "Help Link, and I give you these."

"How about give me those, and I don't string you up by your boot straps?"

Fox held the photos back, but a look of uncertainty spread his features. "You wouldn't."


	4. Chapter 4

**Very short chapter, but that's kinda the point. I wanted to just make chapters that could be read in about a minute, micro-chapters. Doesn't seem to be catching on. Oh well.**

_Chapter 4_

The chores of cooking and cleaning usually feel upon whoever required them, but some of the Smashers, such as Princess Peach, genuinely enjoyed helping others, so they often cooked for the rest of the crew. As such, Peach had to venture into the walk in freezer in order to get the evening's assorted meats.

"Fox, are you alright?" noticing the vulpine.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Fox said, folding his arms over his chest, attempting to look as if he was perfectly in control of the situation.

"Well, you're upside down."

"Yes, I am. But how is that a problem? Mewtwo says its good for meditation, gets the blood flowing to the brain."

"So you don't want any help?"

"No, I don't see why I would need it? I could get my self down any time I wanted."

"Because I could just reach up and unhook your boot straps. Look, here's a ladder."

"I am perfectly in control of the situation."

"You know, there isn't anything wrong with asking for help."

"I don't need help," he snapped.

"Alright," she said, piling several steaks into her arms and leaving the freezer.

Fox took this time to again try and unhook his boots from the meat hook that hung down from the ceiling. It was a lot harder to do then one would think, and he failed miserably. In fact, if Samus hadn't walked in, there was a very good chance that he would have spent the entire night incapacitated. At least until Wolf cooled off and let him down.

"Okay, I admit, I need help," Fox said, shrugging. Samus just stared back, her lime green visor expressionless, though just inside he could see her eyes were burning like fire. Even beneath the armor, Fox could see muscle tense and taught, like a jungle cat the moment before it struck. Fox swallowed a lump in his throat, which was quite difficult given his inverted position.

"You know about the pictures, don't you?"


	5. Chapter 5

**I didn't want to post this so late in the day, but i was having trouble with my computer that had to be fixed before anything else. Also i was playing Brawl. he he.**

_Chapter 5_

_"_Let me make something painfully clear to you," Wolf said, standing very close to Link, looking up at the elf who was in fact taller than the lupine. Wolf height was a sore spot for him, and the fact that he only came up to Link chest didn't do wonders for him mood. "I don't like you. I think you are a whiny, prissy little faggot. I would rather be giving lessons to Ganondorf than you. However, since Fox didn't tell Sammy I'm the one who has the pictures, I'm doing this as a favor to him, not you. You got that?"

"Yes, Mr. O'Donnell."

Wolf gave a long sigh. "Alright, the princess is a bit taller than I am, but that shouldn't matter. You just got to compensate when you snuggle up, got that? Not too hard."

"Yes, Mr. O'Donnell."

Wolf was hesitant to move close, any degree of intimacy was something that made him quiver, save maybe if Samus could ever admit she had very femine needs, and that he would be more than happy to satisfy them. She just seemed determined to die as barren as the icy tundra. She was a beautiful specimen, which made her abstinence all the more frustrating. Well built, both athletic and symmetrical which was somehow subconsciously pleasing to him. A firmness to her, a strength, both external and internal. She could conquer the world if she ever set her mind to it.

"Mr. O'Donnell. If it's not too much trouble, would you mind not drooling on my tunic?"

Wolf cocked his head back and used his sleeve to wipe the excess saliva from his muzzle. "If you mention that to anyone, I will kill you."

"Of course, Mr. O'Donnell." Link couldn't help but let a slight giggle escape his throat.

"And call me Wolf."

"Yes, Wolf."

"Okay," he breathed, moving closer to Link again. He looped an arm behind the elf, put his elbow at the small of his back, and put his open paw just beneath the spot where his shoulder blades meet. Beneath the fabric, he could feel lean and toned muscle grow taught at his touch, then gently relax. He had to admit, for a little pussy, Link was certainly in good physical shape. "Alright, alright, give me your hand, put your other hand on my back, like in the movies. We are going to try ball room, then waltz."

"Yes, Wolf."

Wolf backed away slightly, breaking their intimacy so that he could look down their feet. "Alright, ready? Step, one, two; step, one, two." Satisfied he could move properly. Wolf rested a pointed ear at the base of Link's ribs, continuing to whisper commands: "turn, step, turn, dip."

"You're pretty good," he admitted. He stepped back, assuming a position more suited for the waltz that was Link's primary goal.

"Thank you, Wolf."

"So, is this a ploy to get the princess into bed or something?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh come on, is she not going to give you any if you don't do this?"

"Its nothing like that."

"You can stop the chivalrous act. Beside's I'm complimenting her. She's pretty nice."

"Don't talk about my princess like that."

"Relax, we're men here. God didn't make em stronger than us, can't force us to do much, but they got other means to get what they want. Krystal plays that game with Panther all the time, and I'm telling you, after a few days he's practically on all fours, meowing at her heels."

"Don't talk about my princess that way," Link said through clenched teeth.

"What's the matter elf?" Wolf mocked.

Link swung a clenched fist across Wolf's muzzle, making contact only because Wolf allowed it. He only allowed it so he would have an excuse to open two large gashes across the elf's cheek.


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6_

It took Pit, Red the pokemon trainer, and Marth, but eventually they managed to pull Wolf and Link apart. Link got loose once and charged, dodging past Red and letting loose a flurry of hits onto the lupine before he was pulled away again, this time Marth holding him tighter. Save the open gash on Link's cheek, and a lump beneath the thick coarse fur of Wolf's orbital bone, and a few other nicks and scrapes, there was no real damage, but Pit stood between the two as Red and Marth kept them at opposite sides of the room. Red finally pulled Link out of the recreation room so that they could talk in private. Pit calmly approached Wolf, and asked with a curious tone, "What did you say?"

"Something about Princess Z."

"He nailed you pretty good?"

Wolf stroked his cheek and grinned. "Yeah, for a little bitch, he's got a nice cross. Ah, I was out of line. I better go apologize or its going to be really awkward every time I make fun of him."

Before Wolf could leave the room, or even step past Pit who was completely dumbstruck at the lupine's admission of guilt, Link popped his head in and whimpered, "I am sorry, Mr. O'Donnell. That was unbecoming of me, and I shouldn't have reacted in such a way."

"Please, I had it coming. I know how that alpha male urge to protect the women in your life can get you seeing red. Anyone ever talks about my sister, and I just about tear out their throat."

"Still, I am sorry," Link said, extending an opened gloved hand. It was such a ridiculous gesture, but it seemed important to Link, so Wolf took his hand and shook. "May we continue the lesson tomorrow? Red insights I get this disinfected," he said, pointing to the gash.

"Course," Wolf smiled.

"You creatures are amazing," Pit said, with a certain childish giddiness in his voice. "You hate each other, so you try to kill each other, and now you're buddies?"

Wolf thought about the almost comical logic, before winding a fist back and striking Pit hard across the jaw. The angel stumbled of balance, shock and horror across his features as Wolf simply shook his hand clear of the tingle. "Nope, doesn't always work. I still don't like you."


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter 7_

"Thanks for helping me with this," Popo said, smiling happily as he watched the Koopa King close one eye and cock his head to better focus on the delicate procedure he was performing.

"Roar," Bowser roared.

"I just can't believe Mr. O'Donnell stuck his grimy paws into my mittens. How could he do that?" He sighed, shrugging, more to himself. At least it was an excuse to hang out with Bowser. He liked Bowser actually, for a fire breathing turtle, he could certainly be friendly, even fatherly, when he wanted to. Probably because of all his kids. How did Bowser have kids anyway? Popo thought about what a woman Bowser would look like. It made him shiver a little.

"Its sort of weird to see you sewing and knitting and stuff," Popo started.

"Roar?"

"Well, you know, its like how Mr. O'Donnell can waltz and stuff. You're not just a simple, mindless brute, you've got all these cool things you know how to do that no one knows about."

"Yep, I don't understand why I can never have any characterization. Everything goes to that bastard Mario," Bowser growled. "Hows this?" he asked, handing the dumbstruck Eskimo his mended mittens.

"Wait, you can talk?"

"Yeah, we all can. Yoshi, Kirby, the Kongs, all the Pokemon. Its just more fun to growl and grunt and stuff."

"Really?"

"Roar?"

Popo blinked twice, then shook his head, losing interest. He slipped the mittens on one at a time, then wiggled his fingers happily. "These fit really good, thank you so much. And you finished Mr. Snake's coat? He's always so grumpy, but dressing up as Seto Kaiba for Halloween should cheer him up."

"Roar," Bowser said.

"Roar," Popo agreed.

**I would so love to hang out with Bowser. Screw Mario. To hell with the Mushroom Kingdom. The Koopa Palace is where its at. This chapter is dedicated to the most bad ass fire breathing turtle to ever grace the world.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I originally wanted to have each of the characters have a different costume for the party, but with almost 40 characters, I just couldn't come up with one for everyone. I want costume that kind of homage the character, or are in some way ironic for their lore or appearance. If anyone has ideas about what the rest of the cast could go as, please, please, tell me.**

_Chapter 8_

"Is he dead?" Nana asked.

Popo leaned forward. "He smells dead," he said.

"Well it was raining all night," Ness noted. "And I guess he was out here for that. Its like a wet dog."

Nana walked away, returning a moment later with a long stick that she used to poke Lucario, who was lying unconscious in the grassy field, fur matted with any number of substances and a large, fresh bump visible on his head. The grass behind him was pressed down, implying that the pokemon had somehow dragged himself to his present spot, just outside the mansion's garden. He stirred slightly, batting the sharp point away, but suddenly collapsed and returned to his dormant state, no matter how hard the Eskimo girl poked him. She delivered a firm kick to his side, and still he didn't move. "He's dead," Nana confirmed triumphantly, placing her hands on her hips, proud of her confirmation.

The three saw the blue glow zipping across the horizon before they realized it was Sonic, and he stopped before them and asked in his usual chipper way, "What's up?"

"We think Mr. Lucario is dead," Nana said, poking the pokemon again with the stick.

"Give me that," Sonic said, forcefully taking the stick away. "How long has he been like this?"

"Well, two days ago he went out for training. I guess it was that long ago."

"Stop poking him," Sonic shouted, and Nana quickly dropped the second stick she had picked up off the ground.

"He's got a fever," Ness said. "Is he going to die?"

"Of course not. I just have to go get the doc," Sonic said and sped off, leaving a blue streak behind him. After a moment he returned, took the stick that Nana was now poking Lucario with, bopped her on the head with it, and went off again.


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9_

_"_So what happened to Lucario?" Wolf asked.

"We're not sure," Samus said, a slight hint of nervousness detectable inside her voice. "I would say a training accident. All alone in the middle of the woods, he pushes himself a little too hard. He get bonked on the head by a falling tree. Or he just collapses. It could have just been an accident. But Lucario doesn't have accidents."

"What are you saying? Foul play?"

"Perhaps."

"Damn it elf," Wolf snarled, turning to Link. "What did Lucario do to you?"

"It wasn't me," Link said quickly.

"First you think Mewtwo is hitting on Princess Z. Did Lucario take the last donut or something?"

Link took hold of the collar of Wolf's flight suit and brought him to his eyes. "Listen to me carefully, mutt, I had nothing to do with Mewtwo, and if you accuse me one more time, I will cut off your tail and shove it down your throat."

"Children," Samus said, inserting herself between the two. "You were together when this happened, were you not? You two have spent every free moment practicing your little dances for the past week. Link couldn't have done it, and neither could you, Wolf. That's why I wanted to talk to you."

"What do you think is happening?" Link asked.

Samus thought to herself. "Probably nothing. But you have to admit, it's kind of weird, first Mewtwo, now Lucario. Who'll be next: Kong, Marth, Mario, one of us. I just want you two to be careful, alright?"


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10_

"You feel alright?" Peach asked.

"Yeah," Zelda said, with a forced smile. "I'm fine."

"It's just, well, you've seen kind of down lately. What's wrong?"

"It's just that Link has been spending all his time with that Wolf fellow."

"Yeah, isn't that a good thing? I mean, you always get mad, you say that he's smothering you."

"I know, but I kinda like it when he's always after me, when he's always there to spend time with me. I kinda miss how he annoyed me so much. You know the captain has made three passes at me, and Link hasn't even noticed. He should be challenging Falcon to a duel to the death or something stupid like. What do you think he's doing with Wolf anyway?"

"Training probably," Peach said. "Wolf knows how to fight like an animal, and Link knows how to fight like a man. It's a nice combination."

Zelda looked a little saddened by this. "I would like to refine my training. Why wouldn't he invite me?"

"Why didn't you invite him when you were teaching Mewtwo? Maybe Wolf is self conscious that he doesn't know something. Maybe Link doesn't want to be associated with the mutt. There are tons of explanations. Just don't go fixing the training simulator, alright."

"It shouldn't bother me, but…"

"You're worried."

"And I know I get mad when Link is always there, but…"

"You do like all the attention."

"Because when I was a kid…"

"You were a princess, and you parents were always busy. Impa was there, but there was something missing, something that Link fulfills?"

Zelda huffed. "Stop finishing my sentences. It's really annoying."

"Why don't we do a little training? Then you can show Link everything you know."

Zelda gave a warm smile. "Alright," she said, as her hands began to glow a brilliant, bright scarlet.

To start the sparring, Peach slapped an open palm across Zelda's face.


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter 11_

"So how did you learn to dance?" Link finally asked when he couldn't bare the burn of the question any longer. He was working on the brink of exhaustion, with the deadline coming up, he had insisted on pulling all nighters. Save competing and sleeping, every moment he had went towards practice.

Wolf shrugged. He was still spry and as alert as ever. "Leon has this thing for Footloose. He used to insist that I practice with him. I guess I just picked it up."

"And you call me gay?" he muttered bitterly.

"Oh, did I hurt your feelings? Do you need a hug?"

"No, its just that it gets a little annoying after a while."

"Look, elf…uh, Link. I'm sorry. I mean, when I first came to the mansion I figured you were a pussy little bitch, but I have to admit, you're not really as bad as I thought you were. You're a quick study, got a nice cross, loyal to your pack…I mean, family. You're alright." He finished the statement with a rather hard punch to the arm.

"So why do you still act like an asshole?"

"I have an image to keep up. If word gets out that I've gone soft, well everyone would respect me as much as they respect you."

"People respect me."

Wolf's ears perked, his eyes widened in surprise. "Yeah, of course they do. Now do you want a hug?"

"Um. No, I'm alright."

"No, come here, I won't take no for an answer."

"I don't want to hug you."

"We've spent the last week snuggled close together, and now you're afraid to hug me? You have to open your mind more. I thought that teaching you would be a living hell, but its been a nice chance to bond. Come one, you owe me elf."

Wolf looped his arms around Link's abdomen and squeezed him tight, eventually Link embracing him back. He looked around, shivering at the absurdity, sure that somehow someone was watching.

"This is really weird, can we stop?" he finally asked.  
"Alright," Wolf shrugged. Poor elf, he didn't feel as the lupine attached a paper sign to his back, with the words "**I'M A FAG**," written brazenly in colorful marker.


	12. Chapter 12

_Chapter 12_

Nana's wailing scream could be heard throughout the mansion. Glass shattered, ears bleed, Yoshi began having uncontrollable spasms as the Eskimo child ran through the hallways, screaming and sobbing and screaming, Samus chasing after her, shouting just as loud for her to stop.

It wasn't until Nana turned a blind corner and Wolf caught her by the back of the parka that she stopped her panicked flight, though her legs still moved in a comical motion, as if trying to run through the air. Wolf struggled to get a good grip on her, Nana was squirming so intensely, kicking and lashing with so much force, stray limbs hitting his chest, there was absolutely no doubt he would have bruises beneath his fur for weeks to come. Particularly when one of her cleats caught him in the gut, his instinct told him to brain the girl against a wall, but he kept his composure.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded, swallowing a pained growl.

"I was showing her how to scramble eggs and she burned her hand," Samus said, finally catching up.

Wolf looked down at the throbbing, crimson skin on Nana's ungloved hand, and felt the salty tears drip down her face and wet the fur on his arm. "Nana," he said in a calm voice, whispering into her voice. "What's twenty-seven times forty-three?"

"What?" she cried. "What does that have to…?" She wheezed once or twice, sobbed a little more. "What's twenty-seven times forty-three?"

"Do me a favor. Figure it out. Its extremely important." Wolf cocked his head for Samus to follow as he rushed down the hallway, back towards the kitchen, Nana's wailing replaced by her working numbers around in her head. "Twenty-seven times forty-three. Seven times three is twenty one. And then you put the zero as the place holder, or is that division…"

"That's great, Nana," Wolf muttered, as he opened the freezer and pulled out an ice pack. He placed it in Nana's burned hand, and immediately she let out a low purr, practically melting in his arms, which was creepy given how young she was.

"That feels so nice."

"Now go find the doctor and tell him to put on some ointment, alright?"

"But what's twenty-seven times forty-three?" she asked.

"How the hell should I know?" he snapped.

**What is twenty-seven times forty-three? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting answer.**


	13. Chapter 13

_Chapter 13_

"Its one thousands, one hundred and sixty-one," Samus said after taking some time to do the calculations.

"Oh, fascinating," Wolf grunted. He opened the fridge and bent over, tail high in the air and wagging in a playful fashion, until finding a bottle of water. "If you're so smart, what's the speed of light?"

"299,792,458 miles a second," she said after only a moment's hesitation.

"Alright luv, what's the speed of dark then?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?"

"One you apparently can't answer, despite your vast intellect," he said with a low snicker that may have been a growl.

"This is why everyone says you're an asshole," she snapped. "Where did you learn that trick? With the numbers?"

The lupine gave a gentle shrug. "I don't know. I just made it up. My sister was a little twit, always getting hurt, always came running to me. She actually stuck a fork into an electrical socket. I kept saying, you're going to get shocked, and she says alright. So I turn my back, and I notice the lights are flickering. You just gotta keep the kiddie's mind off the pain, or they'll just keep screaming."

"Anyone ever tell you, you would make a good father?" Samus asked.

Wolf gave a long chuckle. "Yeah, provided I don't eat my cubs when I get hungry."

"I'm serious," Samus said with a coy glance.

He look turned stern, if only for a moment. "You can call me a lot of things: mutt, criminal, pet, fleabag, whatever you like, but you never call me father, alright?"

"Had a tough childhood?"

Wolf gave another chuckle. "Luv, I never had a childhood."

**Wolf so needs a graphic novel about his childhood. I've seen some very well made fan comics, but I would like something in the cannon that explains how he turned to crime and such. The fact that his trophy says his rivalry started with James McCloud only deepens the mystery. I'm thinking child soldier in the Venom army personally, maybe shot by James (through the eye) without James even giving him a second thought.**


	14. Chapter 14

_Chapter 14_

"And that's why you, Fox and Wolf all use the same final smash, despite the fact that you despise the Landmaster, and Wolf has never actually owned one," Nana said with her usual triumphant enthusiasm.

"Wow," Falco said, beak open slightly. "That explains everything."

"Yep. But lets never discuss it again."

Falco shrugged. "If you say so." He held up the white overcoat. "Do you really think that Snake will go for this?"

"Well, he already has a mullet, and he's already an asshole, and he has to go as something. What could possibly go wrong?"

A few more doors down, they finally got to Snake's room. He had installed a camera at the left side of the door that beeped and blinked once before focusing on Falco, then bending down to record Nana, who waved a bandaged hand happily.

"What the hell do you want?" asked the intercom beneath the camera.

"We have your costume," Falco said, lifting up the coat.

"Leave it at the door, then leave!"

"Don't you want to try it on?" Nana asked. "Or say thank you. I mean, Bowser spent like the whole night tailoring this for you. It was especially hard since you refused to let yourself be measured."

"Leave!" the intercom shouted.

"Wow, he is an asshole," the bird muttered as he turned his back.

**Tune in tommorow for the exciting conclusion.**


	15. Chapter 15

_Chapter 15_

As usual, Samus was wearing an extensive degree of armor that concealed her attractive body beneath a layer of steel. Wolf was disappointed in that, as he watched her grace the party with her usual air of indifference. Why couldn't she go as an Amazon Princess, or a strip dancer, or Eve? Even her Zero Suit, tight to her every curve, was preferable to what she had on now. It wasn't her usual power suit, which at least complimented her, however subtly. Rather it was a bit boxier in dimensions, lifts in her shoes elevated her already impressive height, and a pistol was strapped to her leg with a space-era looking rifle on her back. And it was green with silver and gold highlights, rather than orange and yellow with splashes of red.

"Hey there Wolf," Samus said. "Decided not to dress up?"

"I'm Fox," the grey canine said.

"What? Wolf what the hell is wrong with your voice?"

"No, I'm Fox."

Samus chuckled. "Gotta hand it to you Wolfie. Throwing your voice is a nice touch, but come on. You think I would fall for it?"

Pinching a handful of fur between his forefinger and thumb, Fox said one last time, "Its dye and a contact." He tapped the mechanical eye on the left side of his skull. "Fake, cool huh? Wolf is over there, he's going as me, and I'm going as him. Get it?"

"No, I don't." Samus looked to the corner, and noticed the orange canine that was standing at the opposite end of the social room, lapping on a cup of spirit. "I never noticed how much you two look alike. Almost the same height, almost the same build," she noted before starting off to Wolf. His tail began to wag when he realized she was coming to him. Typical Wolf.

"Hey there Wolf."

"I'm Fox."

Samus cocked fist, and Wolf lifted both hands in a submissive manner, chuckling lowly. "I give up, who are you?" he asked.

"Master Chief from the Halo universe."

"Never heard of him."

"How have you never heard of Master Chief?"

"Oh, he's that guy Arby hangs out with, isn't he? Why didn't you go as Arbiter, he's a cool guy. A little brooding, but that can be overlooked."

Samus shrugged, blushing beneath her helmet, uncomfortable.

"Now did you want something?"

"Just wanted to talk to you," she said. "I'm trying to make small talk."

"Wow, that's cute. You're trying to be sociable. Tired of being type-cast as the bitch?"

"I see you're still fine with being the asshole," she muttered, stalking away, but Wolf took her by the wrist and pulled her back.

"It's a nice costume," he admitted. "Must have taken a lot of work. Good to see some people still get into the spirit of things."

"Yours too." Samus spread his left eye socket between two fingers. "Glass eye?"

"Yeah, be careful or it'll pop out again. It is a bitch to get it in."

The door exploded in usual fashion as Mew came zipping into the room with her usual energy. "Why does she always do that?" Wolf muttered.

"What is she going as?"

"Jason Vorhees."

"Where did she get a hockey mask that small?"

"Don't know, but take it all in. I doubt you'll ever get another chance to see fetus/cat looking Pokemon dressed as a mass murdering zombie from a whored out movie franchise."

"She really is adorable," Samus smiled. The smile turned to a cringe when Mewtwo entered. He was hesitant, clearly self conscious, which given his costume wasn't surprising. "What is the clone going as?"

"One of Jason's cheerleader victims."

Samus blinked. "Wow," was all she could get out. "Gotta wonder what she got on him that would make him agree to that."

"Super cat may act tough, but he likes Mew enough she wouldn't have to blackmail him."

"Snake stop by?"

"Yeah, walked into the middle of the room, shouted, 'Attention duelists,' called me a dweeb and left. The most we can hope for I'm reckon."

Samus thought to herself. With a low whisper, she asked, "You talk to Lucario?"

"Yeah, he says he fell off the waterfall when he was meditating."

"Lucario doesn't fall."

Wolf shrugged. "When you don't sleep for days and train constantly, it's possible to just pass out. He's obsessive when it comes to training. He just collapsed, and lets be thankful that a dislocated shoulder and concussion was the worst of it."

Samus examined her lupine companion. "You don't think that, do you?"

"I don't know what to think. There's a glitch in the training program and Mewtwo gets the living tar beaten out of him. Lucario goes out training and falls down a waterfall, nearly drowning and getting pretty banged up. Might just be nothing, but I like my paranoia just fine."

"You don't still think its Link."

"Nah, Link is alright. I'm not to sure about Speed Racer over there."

"Speed Racer?" Samus asked. "My god, is that Falcon?"

"Don't make eye contact, or he'll start singing again."

Across the room was Zelda, who dressed in rags and claimed to have come as a peasant. She was trying to act nonchalant, but it was painfully obvious she was looking for Link. She gently pushed past Luigi, who was dressed as some sort of pirate armed with a slingshot, and Ness. His costume was quite intricate: a mask that looked something like an electric outlet, a blue shirt, white pants, and pink tennis balls on his hands and feet. He kept running around, throwing papier-mache bombs at everyone, then running away before they could cave his little skull. Pikachu scurried by. She had dyed her fur solid black, and stretched her long ears more circular with a pair of earrings. It looked painful, but she was dedicated to her costume, even trying to say a few human words in a chipper voice, rather than her name over and over again.

Where an ape could learn how to play music was anyone's guess, but Donkey Kong had an affinity for beats, and he had been elected the gathering's DJ. Fox gave a slight nod in his direction, and the ape slowed the music down to a low waltzing tune.

Link, wearing a tailored tuxedo and a black paper mask that covered the area surrounding his eyes approached her from some corner she had looked in. She recognized him immediately. He extended a hand in an obvious gesture, and Zelda took it. She wasn't sure when the dance floor had cleared out, but everyone was neatly lined along the wall. Even Ganandorf, though she noticed that Meta-Knight and Marth had their hands on their blade in threatening gestures.

"Our anniversary isn't for another three days," Zelda whispered.

"Yeah, but I can't wait to show you everything that Wolf taught me."

"Oh," she asked. "That's why you've been spending so much time with him?"

"Of course, what did you think?"

"Nothing," she said, cuddling close. "Nothing at all."

**This is so dumb, possibly the fluffiest thing I've ever done. I can't believe this actually came out of me. But it was fun to write, and I hope that you all enjoyed it. A special thanks to everyone who reviewed, and everyone who gave me ideas for the Smasher's costumes. This may have worked better as a comic strip, but i tried to describe their costumes without breaking the flow of the story. ****Happy Halloween. By the way, I think I jumped the shark.**

**Oh, and I'm playing with a Christmas special. Maybe it'll appear, maybe it won't, probally not. I've put all my SSB stuff on hold and am working on a Halo fic. I'm going to have to come back to it to wrap up that whole, who's targeting the Smashers storyline, but I don't know when I'll have the inspiration to write that.**


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